“My dearest Wedding Officiants,

Hello, It’s me, the videographer. My name’s Cameron but you really don’t need to remember that. It’s fine. Oh hey, can you wear this mic please?

I see we have an outdoor ceremony today. Can I share a bit of unsolicited advice? It’s very important to read the room. Or, in this case, the fact that we aren’t in a room at all.”

Is this a conversation I have all the time, verbatim? Well, up to the advice part, yes. I’m not the kind of guy to come in this hot, but I do sometimes approach the subject of the weather-to-ceremony-length ratio in an oblique way. Like “Oh it’s pretty hot out today, huh?”

And by oblique, I mean that I don’t really approach the subject at all. These are not my decisions to make. But I do have some general thoughts on the matter.

Outdoor ceremonies can provide an amazing backdrop for your wedding. Sometimes they provide a sense of grandeur, or even a simple connection with nature. Occasionally, they can also be a great source of pain and discomfort for you and your guests. But there is one person who can minimize this pain and discomfort, and that person is the wedding officiant.

So before I get carried away complaining about two men who were able to ignore a group of suffering wedding guests and bravely soldier through the very, very, very important words they had prepared, I want to say “thank you” to the professionals. These are the people who I’ve been working with for years, and when I see one of their faces, there’s an ease that comes over me - a wash of “We’re gonna be alright.” They understand that there are essentials and non-essentials when it comes to wedding ceremonies.

Over time, I have noticed a trend - the real pros do not have a sense of self-importance about them. And I think I speak for most of us when I say that there are fewer things more annoying than people who 1) are convinced what they have to say is very, very, very important and 2) cannot read the room. It’s a deadly combo.

So without any further buildup, here’s the stories of the two worst offenders I’ve ever had the misfortune of working with.

Story One: Fool in the Rain

It’s an off-and-on rainy day. Prime Film Noir weather. From the moment I arrive on-site, I’m hearing a lot of back and forth over whether the ceremony will be outside as originally planned. This venue has a really great outdoor ceremony space, so I understand the hesitance, but privately I’m hoping we’re gonna keep this thing indoors because that beautiful ceremony space is easily a 5 minute walk from any shelter. If we get caught in the rain, there’s no quick jog inside. We’re all getting drenched. I always come prepared to shoot in the rain if necessary, but it’s never a fun prospect.

So, despite the gloomy skies and spotty precipitation, the couple pushed for the outside space, so that’s what we did. Fast forward to ceremony time. The processional starts. And so does the rain. Yup. We’re doing this.

I’m telling you - no less than 15 MINUTES passed between “Please be seated” and the couple’s kiss at the end of the ceremony. 15 minutes in the rain. As far as I could tell, the officiant cut literally nothing from his speech. He gets a tiny bit of slack because he was a friend of the couple. He had probably never conducted a wedding ceremony before, or since.

But c’mon, man.

It’s like he existed outside of external circumstances. Surely he could feel the rain. Surely he could see the effects of the rain on the people in front of him. But still, he went into great detail about his time in college with the groom, the mundane story of how he met the bride, the bride and groom’s professional accomplishments, on and on. It was unbelievable.

I think what irks me most about this situation is that the weather was not a surprise - anyone could see that more rain was a strong possibility. Going forward with an outdoor ceremony despite the conditions was one thing, not looking over the notes beforehand to see if there were cuts that could be made is something else altogether. The fact that the guests and myself came away from the ceremony looking like we’d stepped off a Backstreet Boys video set was preventable.

Is there an argument to be made that the rain made the ceremony unique and memorable? Yes. Would it have been just as unique and memorable if we’d spend five minutes out there instead of fifteen? Also, yes. If you believe the old saying, rain on a wedding day is good luck (or, ironic if you’re Alanis Morissette). But I don’t think you get bonus luck or irony for sitting out in it.

Despite all of my grouching here, I can happily report that the Sony A7siii can handle a LOT of moisture, and that I got some amazing shots. For the anonymity of the couple, you aren’t going to see those shots. Just imagine a very happy, very wet couple.

As a side note, I don’t mean to scare off anyone considering using an amateur officiant. I’ve seen many amazing ceremonies conducted by dads, aunts, and friends. I would just take it on good authority (mine :) ) that you should choose someone who can edit themselves if the situation calls for it.

Story Two: Perspiro

It’s June of 2018. It’s hot, it’s humid, and on this day, there’s not a lick of shade in the outdoor ceremony space.

This story falls under a subset of what I think is suboptimal officiating - the full-on sermon. When we’re entering minute 10 of a ceremony like this, one phrase comes to mind.

There were thorough examinations of Ephesians 5, calls to Jesus, the whole thing. In my opinion, this is pre-marital counseling material. I was actually able to find this video and time it - 20 MINUTES. 20 minutes of preaching under the direct fury of the June sun.

It’s like, if you’re gonna make it this long, let’s just include the announcements, too. When’s VBS? When’s MAN CHURCH? Let’s take up tithes and offerings!

The whole time, I’m thinking to myself, this man is inhuman. Full suit, in these conditions, and he is not cutting anything from this sermon. He’s impervious to the heat.

Yes, the situation was so extreme that I used the word “impervious.”

But I was wrong - he wasn’t inhuman per se, he was blessed. Enhanced, even. When I approached him to get my lav mic back, he was glistening. Like a fresh glazed donut. Like an 80s action movie star. Like that baby hippo that everyone was obsessed with for a while.

It all made sense now - this man had miraculous sweat glands. He would make a good candidate for the worst possible X-Man - Perspiro. He was happy as a clam and just as wet. When he gave me the lav mic back, it was dripping. I was shocked… that I wasn’t shocked. Can a battery powered lav mic shock you? Probably not. I don’t care. The joke stays in.

The Takeaway

To be clear, I’m not arguing God should have taken out of this ceremony because it was too hot. We’re on the same team, and I want people to come to faith, too. I’m just saying - 20 minutes could have been 10. Forcing these people to sit in the abject suffering of Tennessee Summer heat is working against the cause. If anyone became closer to Jesus that day, it’s because they died of a heat stroke.

By extension, I’m not implying that you should take all the personal touches out of your speech because it’s raining. But there’s a hierarchy of importance when it comes to the words spoken at a wedding ceremony. Some of it can go.

These are the two most extreme stories I can remember, but this still happens more than you might think. In the past two months, I’ve experienced both a super green officiant that went on for waaaay too long in the direct sun, and another professional that I’ve known for years, who managed to keep it short and sweet.

So, Wedding Officiants of the world, I just ask that you take all this as food for thought. And to the public at large, I want to say that we all have a responsibility to remain flexible, to take in the particular circumstances of the day, and to be prepared to adjust accordingly.

Don’t become so married (pun intended) to your own plan that you can’t see what’s in front of you. It’s an essential skill for anyone - Read the Room.

-Cameron

Dear Wedding Officiants, Please Read the Room

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